Stargate ABC's
by VampirateLycan
Summary: A Stargate alphabet. Just a hopefully funny fic to pass the time. Rating is just in case my muse runs away again. It could change.
1. A is for Asgard

**A/N: Hey, I thought that while I am waiting for my muse to return on my other stories I would write a Stargate drabble thing for every letter of the alphabet A/N: Hey, I thought that while I am waiting for my muse to return on my other stories I would write a Stargate drabble thing for every letter of the alphabet. This is A. Hopefully there'll be funny! Enjoy! **

A is for Asgard

The little grey dudes had better be in trouble again. Jack couldn't believe his luck. He stared around the drab grey surroundings and sighed. They really had to work on their manners. They couldn't beam him out while he was in the middle of a sentence. In a briefing none the less. However they did, and he had something to say about it.

Just then the door slid open and Thor walked in. At least, he assumed it was Thor. It was difficult to tell them apart after all. They didn't wear clothes for one.

"Greetings O'Neill" the Asgard stated.

'Yep, that's good ol' Thor' thought Jack 'What in the name of all that is holy does he want now'

Out loud though he just said. "Hey Thor, old buddy, old pal. How can I help?"

Thor looked at Jack inquisitively for a few seconds before moving a few rocks on his control panel. Jack felt a tingling sensation and then nothing. He looked down. Still nothing.

"Erm… Thor?" Jack asked, "You did call me here for a reason right?"

"Indeed O'Neill" Thor replied before Jack saw white and was beamed back down to the SGC.

SG-1 had been in the middle of a briefing when a white light had beamed Jack out. They had all shared the same annoyed look but assumed that he was needed. However not five minutes later another white flash engulfed the room and Jack was back. Though something was slightly off.

Sam sat there holding in a giggle refusing to look at Daniel, who was just about holding in his own laughter, she knew that if she looked; she would crack. General Hammond sat there bemused wondering what the hell the Colonel and the Asgard had been thinking and even Teal'c looked a little amused. Jack just sat there, none the wiser, wondering what the hell was so funny. After all it was only a regular briefing.

Half an hour later and Sam and Daniel fled the briefing room as fast as they could both red in the face holding in laughter. Jack just watched them flee, scratching his head. Deciding to put it down to a caffeine high, they did drink too much of the stuff, he decided to talk to Teal'c about his Asgard problem.

"Hey, Teal'c" he said jovially "We've got to teach the little grey dudes some manners, right?"

"Indeed O'Neill" Teal'c replied

Jack grinned.

"But perhaps it would be prudent to teach them a sense of humour as well" Teal'c deadpanned before walking off. He looked behind him to see Jack scratching his head again looking thoroughly confused. Teal'c let out a soft chuckle at how ridiculous Jack looked and continued onto the mess where he was sure to find Daniel and Sam.

Back in the briefing room Jack was looking all over himself to see what the hell was so funny when up in orbit Thor hit a switch to reveal his master plan. Down on earth Jack was suddenly standing there in a large pink bunny suit. It suddenly struck him what that tingling sensation was. His cheeks turned red. Had he been dressed like this the entire time? Based on his teams' reaction he could guess the answer.

Back in the mess hall it was only when Daniel and Sam heard Jack yell 'THOR!' that they finally let their laughter fly.

The Asgard really needed to work on their manners.

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**A/N2: Well that's A done. I had a bit of a giggle writing it, hope you had a bit of a laugh reading it. If you want me to continue with b, c etc. please tell me in a review. And if not, leave a review anyway. It would really help my day; maybe it would even encourage my muse back. Who knows? So, please review. **

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	2. B is for Ba'al

**A/N: Just to warn everyone, this one gets a little weird at times. So, enjoy the second instalment of Stargate ABC's. And as usual I don't own any of the characters, though if Cliff Simon decided to drop in for a visit I wouldn't moan. Hehe**

**B is for Ba'al**

It was a dark stormy night. Lightning flashed across the sky while thunder boomed. Of course no one in the SGC knew this. All they knew was that someone was dead and someone needed to pay.

It all started late one Tuesday night and all the Ba'als of the galaxy were converging in the SGC for the opening of a peace treaty between the warring Ba'al factions. Why all of the Ba'als had to attend when only one or two were fighting is to this day unknown; though it probably had something to do with gods and the like.

On the day in question, the Ba'als were making their way to the briefing room as Jack ticked their names of a list to ensure that they were all there.

Of course as they were all Ba'al Jack had to invent names for them all. So far on the list he had: Evil Ba'al, Good Ba'al, Real Ba'al, Former Ba'al, Farmer Ba'al, English Ba'al, Jamaican Ba'al, Yankee Ba'al… and the list went on and on with Jack coming up with more and more ridiculous names for everyone, until: 'slightly-shifty-looking-could-be-real-but-probably-isn't' Ba'al (who will henceforth be called Greg as the author can't be bothered to type that again) sat down.

The Ba'als had that were present were just all sitting down when a loud girly scream pierced the still air. Jack exasperated turned to English Ba'al and demanded.

"What?"

English Ba'al looked a little embarrassed and then replied.

"Ones tea was too hot. Sorry"

Jack sighed and went to sit back down again when a slightly more masculine scream echoed around the room. When he realised that it was none of the Ba'als this time Jack set off down the corridor to the Ba'als living quarters to find Daniel leaning against the wall clutching his chest breathing heavily. Jack looked at Daniel with an eyebrow raised a la Teal'c and Daniel crossed his arms defensively then pointed into a room to prove his point.

Jack checked the room, glanced at the list, then checked off Hawaiian Ba'al. Shame he was dead.

Ok, so in Jacks defence he knew that having al the Ba'al clones in one lace and getting them all to behave as well was going to be difficult. What he hadn't expected however was for one Ba'al to get killed and for every other Ba'al to take the credit. Sighing he walked up to Carter and tapped her on the shoulder hoping that she had narrowed their suspect list a little.

"What have you found out?" He asked running his fingers through his greying hair. It had been a long day already and it was only 11.

"Well" She sighed "Hawaiian Ba'al had a lot of money, 3 houses and his main had 15 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, and 67 inch plasma screen television and 2 swimming pools with a tennis court"

Jack, who had began to wish that he had killed Hawaiian Ba'al himself was interrupted when Carter thrust a list under his nose.

"So" She said "The most likely suspects are these Ba'als"

With that Jack took the list and he and Carter walked into the holding call to question the first of many Ba'al suspects. As they entered though they didn't see Farmer Ba'al head topside.

He sniggered to himself as he climbed aboard the elevator and rubbed his hands in glee as he pressed the button. 5 floors up he allowed himself to laugh. He had done it.

"Inside bathroom here I come" And his laughter echoed around the SGC complex.

**The End**

**A/N2: What did I tell ya? Wacky! Well keep an eye out for the next instalment, C. Which should come a lot quicker now that summer holidays have started. **


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